My heart is in my fucking throat

As I’m choking on the absence of love

And visualizing it everywhere.

I watch as blissful lovers glide across the sidewalks

Buried in nourishing love, flowers sprout tall from their skulls 

One waters and the other weeds

In the shadows of cool brick, I drool over their shared peace    

Making my ego beg for someone to look at me as if I held more light than the sun

39 thoughts on “wanting

  1. ❤️ love this. I’m going through it too. In the wake of a divorce, at the end of a 10-year relationship, and now quarantined with a happy couple. Seeing them cuddle on the couch is paramount to physical torture.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I appreciate that and thank you for reading. Fuck, that sucks love and I am sorry that you have to go through it. I get it. I work with the happiest couple I’ve ever met, I have to leave my heart at home

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re not alone! If you ever want to chat with someone who’s going through it too, please don’t hesitate to reach out! My Facebook and Instagram links are on my site. ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I love to read and write, and let me tell you that I truly admire your poem, it is very creative, it made me view a lot of images while I read it, thanks Jenna 🙂 all the best and greetings from Portugal, PedroL

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This was deeply relatable – you expressed it brilliantly! We’re so much more aware of what we lack when we see others happily together. It’s such a gut-wrenching feeling to long for someone’s else’s company.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I remember a footpath on a nearby hill. I used to wander there often, between the woods and a heathery ridge overlooking the sea.
    Sometimes, couples would come the other way,
    and I’d disappear into the trees before they saw me.
    Some pieces of my heart are still climbing those trees, like little drumbeats looking for dragons to ride.

    I’m sorry you don’t have that other heart to dance with,
    but I’m grateful to read your solo performance.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. i love your use of imagery… I too am enjoying the flow of a solo dance. i needed the practice of thriving in solitude to free and focus more of my potential. so far I’m the best dance partner I’ve had 😉 thank you for your thoughts and feedback. they’re appreciated more than you know.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Another nin song. “All the love in the world”.

    I watched The Neon Demon the other night and this reminds me of a quote from it.

    Sarah: What’s it feel like?

    Jesse: What do you mean?

    Sarah: To walk into a room, and it’s like in the middle of winter. You’re the sun.

    Jesse: It’s everything.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I don’t know if you’d like it. I did, but I’d never want to watch it again. The quote is from the best scene in the movie. It’s really boring and surreal; you’d either like it or hate it.
        I’m more of a music person so I’ll connect things to songs more than anything else. The lyrics are short so I can just paste them.

        “Watching all the insects march along
        Seem to know just right where they belong
        Smears a face reflecting in the chrome
        Hiding in the crowd, I’m all alone

        No one’s heard a single word I’ve said
        They don’t sound as good outside my head
        It looks as though the past is here to stay
        I’ve become a million miles a-

        Why do you get all the love in the world?”

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sorry.. the second verse fits too.. (I only thought of the first one: haven’t heard it in a while)

        “All the jagged edges disappear
        Colors all look brighter when you’re near
        The stars are all afire in the sky
        Sometimes I get so lonely I could-”

        The song kinda meh..

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I could go through and read the whole page of content and comment; I have to dog sit and I’ll be bored.

        I could actually point out connect points that don’t seem like a walking advertisement for something else. 😁
        The album I refer to is With Teeth but it’s not great, but it’s mainly about just feeling out of place in life. It’s like.. you set up your life where it’s how it should be, but it doesn’t feel like it’s your own or meant for you so the songs are about that.
        Neon Demon is just about people who are motivated to make others want to BE them just to make others miserable.


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